How to Create a Positive Home For Your Children


How to Create a Positive Home For Your Children

How to Create a Positive Home For Your Children

While I would never change my own childhood because its made me who I am today, there is no part of me that would ever want to relive it – or have my children grow up feeling like I had.

 

Here is what I know about not growing up in a positive home

 

I can tell you, when your parents are present, but not emotionally available… this affects you. 

 

I can tell you, when your parents don’t encourage and praise you, as a kid, you will struggle to find anything you can do right, and do well.

 

I can tell you the precise way that windows rattle when your parents slam doors hard enough to shake the house.

 

I can tell you what it’s like to be picked on about your weight by your Mom.

 

I can tell you, unless you are raised by positive parents in a positive home, the effects of your childhood will keep you hostage into adulthood. Learning that you are good enough and deserve good things is a process that involves a lot of therapy and self-reflection. 

 

I know this: when children grow up in a loving, warm and positive home, they are equipped with the tools to develop into balanced and confident humans.

 

I may have been raised in a negative home, but knowing how damaging this was, I choose everyday to conscientiously parent my own kids in positive, kind and loving ways.

 

Here is what I do know about raising kids – if you are kind, if you are patient and treat your children with respect, and if you immerse them in love, the effects of a warm and loving home will positively impact them forever. They will have better self-esteem, confidence, emotional intelligence and communication skills to help them be balanced, happier and resilient people.

 

This is one of my favorite Positive Parenting Books if you’re looking to dig a little deeper.

 

 

BONUS: Download How to Create a Positive Home Printable

 

 

SPEAK FROM A PLACE OF KINDNESS

Your child’s own self-image and self-esteem are linked to two things – home life and peers.

 

The main contributor to a poor self-image and low self-esteem is the environment your child lives in. Is the home a positive place they’ll thrive in or one that will create a festering negative view of oneself, like I had?

 

You may not be able to control what and how peers talk to and treat your kid when they’re at school or on the soccer field, but what you will always have control over is the type of positive home environment you create for your family.

 

The voice you purposefully use when you speak to your child, will be the voice they carry with them always.

 

A voice of encouragement, love and patience, support and acceptance… this is the voice you should instil in your child. No other persons will have as much of an impact on your child as YOU, their parent.

 

Trust me.

 

Our world now is build around imagery and language that can be hurtful and detrimental. Messages, language, and behaviors live in a constant state of parallax between positive and negative, right and wrong, good and evil, popular and unpopular in the media, books, among friend and peers. They’re demonstrated in behavior, language, stereotypes and how we treat ourselves, and others.

 

It’s up to parents how we choose to shape our child’s self-esteem, confidence, and self-image and it will ultimately determine how our children choose to stand up to pressures that can negatively impact them.

 

The single most important factor in this equation is the environment and learning that takes place at HOME.

 

How to Create a Positive Home For Your Children
Copyright 123rf.com

 

 


TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR HOME LIFE;

YOUR BEHAVIORS AND THE WAY YOU SPEAK… 

DO YOU PROMOTE A POSITIVE SELF-IMAGE, POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT, CONFIDENCE, COMMUNICATION AND POSITIVE CHOICES?

 


 

The one thing that should remain constant in your child’s life – the safest place, where they are free from negativity, and feel the best about themselves – should always be your home and the people in it.

 

Your home should be a nurturing place for children to develop a positive self-image, confidence, and attitude.

 

Developing an environment where children and families will thrive, is something you have to be intentional about. Like any positive habit, it requires work, patience and repetition.

 

So, how do I help my child feel good about themselves? How do I help them have high self-esteem and make positive choices?

 

 

PRAISE + ENCOURAGEMENT

When you are teaching a new puppy basic commands such as sit, stay and lay down, which scenario do you think would help them learn these skills and feel the best about themselves?

 

  • A) You reward good behavior with excitement in your voice and maybe even a treat when after much practice, they finally get the hang of sitting down when asked.

 

  • B) Your dog doesn’t seem to be getting the hang of sitting and you’ve tried and tried and are at your wits end. Instead of using a happy voice, you start yelling at he dog and telling him he’s a bad dog for not doing it right when you ask.

 

The first scenario of rewarding behavior with excitement and warmth. The positive praise you use works and he wants nothing more than to please you. He can tell by the encouraging tone of your voice that he’s doing a good job.

 

The puppy in the second scenario feels defeated… he’s working so hard but all you’re offering in return is criticism. It’s clipped and harsh and instead of wanting to work hard and try again, he gives up because he feels like a failure and a bad dog.

 

Obviously comparing puppies to children isn’t apples to apples, but you understand the basic principles of positive praise and encouragement and how it affects a child deep down in their soul.

 

Children connect with you when they’re encouraged with compliments, constructive praise and feedback.

 

They shut down when you criticize their abilities and don’t commend them for their hard work, effort and a job well done.

 

Learn what constructive praise is and how to properly use it.

 

 

SHOW THEM YOUR LOVE

I’m not a touchy person by nature with the exception of my children. I am intensely in love with my kids and I show them all the time by hugging them, holding them, cuddling on the couch, holding hands and telling them how much I love them.

 

It reminds my children that I care about them and long term, the consideration and love I demonstrate will help them  feel comfortable expressing their feelings to me at a time when they’re hurting, in trouble or just want to open up and talk.

 

It’s important to show affection to children when they’re hurt and have done something that was wrong or broken rules. This reinforces to them, that even when something is wrong, you unconditionally love them regardless of the circumstance.

 

I know its hard when your child has hurt your feelings to go to them and show affection, but this is when they need your love the most and as an adult, you need to put your pride aside. The invaluable lesson you’re teaching your child is much bigger than the feelings you yourself are having.

 

How to Create a Positive Home
Copyright 123rf.com

 

 

STOP THE NEGATIVE TALK

Words like stupid, dumb, fat, ugly and jerk should have no place in your house. And while kids may hear these works outside of the house, they stop at the door and shouldn’t be used within your family’s safe space.

 

Your house is a safe haven for your children, and negative talk towards themselves and towards others doesn’t have a place in your home.

 

Tip: Eliminate or limit electronics, television shows, movies, social media and music that use negative terms and language.

 

SET A GOOD EXAMPLE

We’ve all heard the saying, “Monkey See, Monkey Do.” Never is it more important to consider than now.

 

Children learn from their parents how to act, treat others, talk to themselves and language to use. Modeling positive behavior at home demonstrates how to be respectful, caring, loving, positive and confident.

 

When I complain that I look ugly, my daughter may tell herself that she looks ugly. And do I want her believing she’s anything less than the beautiful and incredible little person she is? Absolutely not!

 

Body Confidence is just as important as self-confidence and something that parents can squash in a child, even if it’s with their own negative self-talk. The personal kindness and forgiveness we extend to ourselves, is an extension to our children too.

 

So while I’m working to help my children be positive and build their confidence, I also need to manage the way I speak aloud and internally to myself so that I can be the best role model for them.

 

Children are especially perceptive; they pick up on everything!

 

Have you noticed that too?

 

Little ears and eyes look to their parents as role models for behavior and interaction cues.

 

For example, my son wears button down shirts almost every day because that’s what his Dad does and he looks up to him. My daughter uses the same words I use when she’s trying to explain to her brother she doesn’t like what he’s doing, because this is what they know and learned at home from me.

 

Take this opportunity to build your child’s confidence and your own.

 

Is there behavior – not only in the way you act but maybe by how you treat yourself and talk about yourself – that needs improvement? Now is the time to change your behavior so your children don’t follow suit.

 

how to create a positive home

SPEND TIME TOGETHER

The best and most effective way to build children up and show them that their home is a safe and loving place is to spend quality time with them.

 

This is as simple as family dinners together or going for a walk around the neighborhood and talking. It doesn’t mean you’re handing over a small fortune for a beach vacation or even a babysitter, it’s about spending time together without devices and distractions and showing them that they matter to you.

 

 

SEEK ONE-ON-ONE TIME FOR CONNECTION

Going beyond having family time together, set up time for each parent to have one on one with each child. Here are 8 Simple Ways to Find 1:1 Time with each of your kids, without changing your routines.

 

Something simple things like taking a walk together or grabbing a cup of ice cream to just sit down and talk is all you need. Show your children that you want to spend time with them individually means the world to them.

 

While your child may only be a toddler or in preschool, it’s never too early to start talking about feelings and making sure the lines of communication are established.

 

If your child is ever in the position of needing to talk about a bad experience of someone who is hurting them, you want them to know you are their safe place and they can come to you to talk about what’s troubling them.

 

Having a positive home will contribute to building your child’s emotional intelligence and ability to communicate with you.

 

 

KNOW THIS…

No house is perfect. No day is perfect. Having a positive home is a goal for 90% of the time, in-between meltdowns and tantrums and imperfect parenting and life events that derail even the best of intentions.

Parenting is a hard, hard job but loving your children isn’t.

Showing them that you love them, even when you may not like their behavior, isn’t hard.

 

No one’s parenting is perfect; we’re all figuring it out day after day but putting in the effort and the work to have a positive home is the difference maker.

 

Love your children. Tell them you love them. Show them you love them. Use caring and kind words towards them, towards others and towards yourself.

 

BONUS: Download How to Create a Positive Home Printable

 

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30 Comments
  • Kristen says:

    It’s so true that what you do now will set the tone for forever. These are great tips for providing a positive home that will ensure a great relationship with you child to where they’ll want to come back and visit when they’re older. Thanks for sharing and linking up with us for some #mommatime!

  • Our actions are so very important to the growth and development of our children. I couldn’t agree with you more! It does take some practice to monitor what I am saying, especially after a long day at work. As parents our jobs do not end with what we say to our kids, but also in the words that we don’t say to them.

    • Corinne says:

      Absolutely! My kids see and hear everything I tell them and when I don’t say anything at all. They’re little mirrors of ourselves.

  • Lauren Gnapi says:

    Such a great reminder of how our words impact our babies! I love how you also mention to stop the negative talk, that can be a hard one to do when we say some things out of habit but don’t mean it in a bad way.

    • Corinne says:

      Kids see and hear everything we do, so not only are we helping them out by stopping these bad habits, we’re helping ourselves too. It definitely takes time to step back and realize our bad habits. 🙂

      • Catherine says:

        Yes, changing negative habits can be very challenging and I suppose the first step is identifying the habits one needs to change to create the most positive home environment possible for your child. Changing my voice, tone and loudness level is critical in conveying my thoughts and words when I speak to my child to enable a positive outcome for our relationship over the long run.

        • Corinne says:

          I love this trick! Changing your voice to a whisper or a funny foreign accent or high-pitched, etc. works wonders. Thanks for bringing this suggestion up!

  • Inez says:

    These are really great tips and an important reminder. Setting an example of positive thinking and speaking will follow our kids forever.

    • Corinne says:

      Thanks! I think, as long we’re conscious of how we act and talk, and consciously trying to set a good example, we will.

  • DrD says:

    I’m so glad I found you and this awesome blog!
    I agree wholeheartedly; children really Do “learn what they live”. It’s especially challenging for us to remember to be kind and forgiving to ourselves when we don’t act like the parents we want to be. I have often told parents in my previous practice that “I’m glad there are no hidden cameras in my house!”

    • Corinne says:

      I’m so glad you found it too! I think that parenting sometimes is easier than working on ourselves as parents and people, though they go hand-in-hand. Setting a good example and leading by example is much harder when you have kids who don’t miss a thing. Thanks for commenting!

  • Elise says:

    It is so true that how we talk to ourselves affects our children! No matter how hard we strive for a positive home if we are beating ourselves up our children watch us and believe they need to treat themselves that way too.

    • Corinne says:

      Absolutely! And even when I think they’re not watching or listening, those little ears and eyes never miss a thing. Thanks for commenting!

  • Amanda says:

    I totally agree with you that we should build our kids up at home because the world will just tear them down. We are having a problem at our house because my husband tends to be very negative towards our kids…..I think it is just because that is how his dad was to him, but I still hate it. He calls our oldest stupid a lot and I would hate for her to grow up thinking that she is. Any advice on how to deal with a husband that thinks that is an acceptable way to act?

    • Corinne says:

      It is incredibly hard to break habits passed from parent to child but even harder to come to the realization of how you view yourself, and how you talk and treat yourself is inexplicably linked to how you parents taught you your own self-worth and what confidence you may have. Your husband has to realize that the words he puts in your daughter’s head will stick with her for a long, long time. If she’s being called “stupid” by one of the people she loves the most and who she looks to for guidance, then at some point, she’s probably going to start believing those words and she might even resent or distance herself from that relationship. You have to curb the demeaning, belittling talk to your daughter before she starts looking at herself like this as well! What is it that’s making your husband call her this – what are the emotions he’s having that trigger this reaction? Frustration, anger, loss of control, lack of patience? The problem obviously isn’t your daughter, even if she may have done something, this is a terrible reaction. The problem is that your husband doesn’t know how to deal with his reaction to the trigger that caused him to say these things.

      • Amanda says:

        My daughter is 5 and she just does things like normal 5 year olds do. My husband claims he just can’t tolerate stupidity. I tend to cut her a lot of slack since she is 5. She doesn’t reason very well….like she will always ask me who was born first, her or me, etc.

  • Dustin says:

    Amanda I saw your post and it made me want to comment from a “Dads” perspective. I am just guessing but I bet your husband feels like he is a strong Man/Dad and he is protecting your daughter (guys love to protect) by treating her that way. There is a great book I suggest called “Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters” (or something similar). It is written just for Dad’s. One of the points I loved in the book is being a parent is not for wimps and your husbands daughter needs his protection. Your daughter is not the enemy its those outside influences that are trying to tear her down that are the enemy. She just needs his love and protection. She needs to KNOW that she is always SAFE around Dad. If your husband is a mans man or a tough guy (thats how I think to) then he should take courage in knowing who is the enemy and who it is that needs protecting. Its takes a strong man to be a great Dad. Generational habits are hard to break we all have them. He wont get it right all the time (none of us do) but when he screws up if he goes and talks to your daughter one on one and apologizes then thats OK to. There is tons of research out their that daughters who have a bad relationship with Dad tend to always need a boyfriend so thats his motivation to change 🙂 Let me share a personal story about generational change. My Dad is great and well loved BUT he would tend to get yelled at while working and take it with a smile and then come home and yell at the family. We knew he did not mean it and he loved us but it still hurt. So I made a commitment to not do that with my kids. When someone crosses the line at work and takes it out on me at work I dish it right back. I am actually a really nice guy but now I have this reputation BUT I would rather not internalize that anger and then take it out on those I love the MOST. Probably not the best example but its something I decided to change in my family. With your love and encouragement he can do it 🙂

    • Amanda says:

      Thanks, Dustin. I am going to look into that book, it might make a good fathers day gift 🙂

      My husband is a great guy, but he came from a home life of tough love and I came from coddling. I want our girls to grow up with something in the middle.

      I think it’s great that you deal with your emotions right then and there at work. You most likely won’t always work with those people, but your kids will always remember the way they were treated.

  • Heather says:

    This is wonderful! I’ve been very intentional lately with my 6-year-old daughter because she has started school and I want to make sure what I’m teaching her at home is carrying over to school. I also want to make sure what she’s bringing home is in line with our morals and values. It’s getting difficult at times but keeping a consistent tone and language really helps her to do the same in her own conversations and relationships with her own friends. I actually overheard her say to her friend a few days back that she “shouldn’t use that word because it can be hurtful.” I didn’t hear the word, just the conversation afterwards, however, it made me smile that she took action on something that sparked in her mind that maybe wasn’t nice.

    • Corinne says:

      Hi Heather. Thanks for the lovely comment, it brought a smile to my face today. Isn’t it great when you can see your children picking up and using the positive approaches you work so hard to instill? This is one of my favorite things too. I love catching my kids in action! I loved your article, “Tolerance: Teaching Our Children The Value Of Difference.” My son and I just had a talk about treating other people who are different with respect and kindness this morning and I thought of your article. Couldn’t agree more!

  • Pascale says:

    Beautiful!!i love it!!

  • Sandra says:

    This is 100% true. I have a son with special needs and it is so easy to find fault and get frustrated and run out of patience but the difference in him when we focus on the positive things – even the smallest of things makes a huge difference. There is a book called “The Nurtured Heart” which helps us be positive and loving and kind every day. Thanks for reminding us all about the value of praise and positive thoughts.

  • Emma J. says:

    I’m a little late to this game, but thank you so much for posting this. It’s a much-needed reminder to me to stop the negative talk. I’m rarely, if ever, negative toward my kids; however, not a day goes by where I don’t say something like “I feel so fat,” or “ugh, my hair looks terrible!” My kids are super little, but they’re starting to repeat, and I don’t want these phrases to be in their lexicon. Sometimes we’re so good at directing praise towards others, but we forget to give ourselves a little verbal love.

  • Kristy says:

    This is exactly what I have been trying to work on in our home. I feel like we (especially me) have been swallowed up by negativity and yelling because of stress. I think stepping back and thinking about the impact on our kids is huge! We are definitely going to be working on this at our house. Thanks for the great reminder!

    • Corinne says:

      Hi Kristy, I know that stress can build up and make me impatient or irritable too.Sometimes I have to put up sticky notes to remind myself of little things, because its so hard to always be conscious of everything we say and do especially around our kids. You’re doing great mama!

  • Mommy says:

    Thank you so much for your honesty and your writing!!! Love it! Sending best wishes from Europe………

Welcome!

I’m Corinne, a Mom to three active little kids, including twins. I love coffee at any time of the day, believe afternoon naps are essential, am working hard at creating a meditation practice and filing our family life with experiences, not things.
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