Calm Parenting: How to get control of your anger and stay calm, even on the most chaotic days. Be a calm parent and control your emotions when you’re triggered or frustrated.
The Stop Yelling Handbook is a great starting place to learn how to stop yelling and bring peace to your home.
Control Your Anger with Kids & Stay Calm
We promise ourselves we’ll never yell at our children.
Then we promise ourselves we’ll stop yelling at our children, because once you’ve raised your voice once, twice, several times… it gets harder and harder to stop.
Staying calm doesn’t come easy.
Learn how to stay calm with kids on even the most chaotic days, and how to make good on your promise to stop yelling and set a peaceful tone for your family.
“Mommy is Sorry She Yelled.”
You’ve heard the phrase, “mom sets the tone,” and nothing could be more true when it comes to the emotional tone of your home.
When momma ain’t happy, nobody is happy.
Our moods and inner state are often reflected in our children – in their moods and with their behavior.
This puts tremendous pressure on moms particularly to stay calm and rise above frustrating situations with emotional maturity.
When we’re trying to get them to comply or listen to us, out of frustration we yell and scream. This isn’t exactly the emotional tone of your home you want.
We don’t want to raise our voice or resort to yelling, but darn it, why do kids make the house look like it’s been run through with a tornado and why can’t they hear you ask them to stop dribbling the basketball in the house?
As Mothers, we’re given an incredible responsibility to care for, raise and love our children but there will always be times when they make us want to pull our hair out.
Knowing how to stay calm with kids doesn’t always come easily, but learning how to rise above reacting by yelling and screaming, and instead, choosing healthy ways to manage your emotions and mood is key.
As moms, we have to be intentional about keeping a positive attitude and managing our emotions so that our children can grow up in a positive, and happy home.
We can’t just cross our fingers and pray for our days to go smoothly, because, as anyone with children will tell you, they rarely do.
Instead, we must create opportunities for joy and a toolkit of calm tips to remain so, in an otherwise chaotic environment.
If You’re in a Hurry or Looking for Quick Wins to Help You Control Your Anger…
How to Stay Calm with Kids
Nurturing your emotional state can help you be a calm Mom and create a home environment where your children feel safe, loved and calm, too.
Here are a handful of tips to help you create a home that’s a place of love, peace and positivity.
And of course, calm.
Being Aware of What Your Anger Triggers Are
Part of your emotional state is being aware of how your environment affects your mood.
Triggers are the hot spots in your home and day which make your anger spike. When you’re aware of what makes you angry, you can get ahead and diffuse them.
Here are common triggers a lot of Moms share causes their anger to bubble over.
- Having a noisy house
- Asking your kids more than once to do something
- Complaining kids saying they’re bored, hungry or don’t want to do something
- Feel overwhelmed by your to do list
- Lack of “me time” or quiet time to yourself
- Lack of feeling supported in your role
What are your anger triggers?
How can you prime your environment (or calendar) to get ahead of your hot spots so they don’t infuriate you?
Overwhelmed or Messy House?
Think about how can you prime your environment (and also get control of your calendar) to get ahead of your hot spots so they don’t infuriate you?
If overwhelm or a messy house are triggers, this is my favorite mini resource I rave to every parent I talk with. If you’re not a morning person and prefer to tackle your home in the evening, this makeover class would be a better fit for you.
The Kids Complain They’re Bored?
If your kids complain they’re bored, do you have activities for them to pull out when this happens? This happens in my home too, so I keep a stash of activities from my friend Jamie at Hands on As We Grow.
You can also sign up to for the waitlist for when the Activity Room re-opens in September and get monthly activity plans all year long!
Your Schedule Needs Organizing?
If you prefer to use your phone to keep your family in sync, the Cozi Family Planner is the best FREE app for family organization and keeps everything organized in one simple place.
You can add kid’s activities, your work meetings and events, personal stuff, date night, even what you’re having for dinner every night of the week – all in one place.
Plus, did I mention it’s free and makes live with little ones way more organized, and less overwhelming.
Sign up to create a free account, upload all your details and download the app to your phone and you’ll see everything synched in one place. Easy, right?
I suggest you keep a notepad and can write down what triggers your anger so you can become more aware.
Learn to Manage Your Thoughts
It’s true, your mood is a result of your environment, but how you feel inside and what you project to your children and the world, is also affected by what you think.
Your mood and emotions are directly tied to your thoughts.
It makes me think of the law of attraction:
“When you focus on problems, you will have more problems. When you focus on possibilities, you will have more opportunities.”
If I were to let everything my kids do “wrong,” or the mistakes they make every day get to me, I might never be in a good mood.
I’d be giving away all my good mood juice.
If I allow what I see when I look at dishes in the sink, and piles of laundry, or what I see on social media dictate my emotional state, then I set myself up to be unhappy.
Think about how one bad or scary thought can change your entire mood and body language in an instant.
- Did you get a text and now you’re in a terrible mood?
- Have you walked into a messy house and feel your mood change from light to stresses?
- Did you get an email from someone that hits you right in the pit of your stomach?
- Has something your child said struck a chord and sent you into an anxiety spiral?
Self-awareness comes from stepping away from social media, and being mindful of where my monkey brain goes.
This means, keeping a finger on my thoughts and feelings and shifting my focus when necessary.
Choosing to see the positive when your environment, work or children’s behavior isn’t optimal is always a choice you have to forcibly make.
Learn How to Regulate Your Emotions
Once you’re aware of how your environment and thoughts can alter your mood, and cause you to become an angry mama, the next thing to learn is how to regulate your emotions.
Regulating your emotions means controlling the impulse to react harshly by yelling or screaming.
Being aware of what you need to control is only part of being a calm mom. Being able to self-regulate is the second part of the puzzle.
There are dozens of calming techniques you can use once you become aware of your emotions, but the key is to create a space between being aware of the emotions and before you can react.
This space, or pause in time, is where the magic happens.
In order to create space, use any of these techniques to give you time to pause.
- Place your hand over your heart and repeat the mantra, “everything is okay. it’s all okay.”
- Close your eyes, take deep breaths in and silently say, “I love my children”or “I love (child’s name) so much.”
- Lay down, squeeze your body full of tension and then release each muscle slowly from toes to your head, feeling the tension leave.
- Hug your child or partner for 20-seconds. The pressure of being held is calming. You can also use a weighted blanket for the same effect. (I have this weighted blanket and love how well it works when I feel anxious.)
Calming Techniques to Keep You From Yelling
- Step outside and get fresh air.
- Put pictures of your kids in your hot zones to help you remember why you want to stay calm.
- Move your body. Do jumping jacks, dance, ask your kids to a handstand competition.
- Smell something calming like lavender, your favorite essential oil, baby shampoo.
- Repeat a calming mantra such as, “everything is ok,” or “I choose to be a loving, calm mom in this moment.”
- Jump in a hot shower to relax.
- Drink a cup of warm tea for the soothing benefits.
- Focus on your five sense: name five things you see, hear, smell, taste and feel.
- Visualize a calm, peaceful place such as the beach, the mountains, hiking, etc.
- Squeeze a stress ball.
- Give yourself a hand massage, or neck massage. I keep a neck aromatherapy wrap like this, just for this reason!
- Turn on calming music or keep a calm playlist on standby for times like these.
- Press the pressure point between your eyebrows to instantly relieve stress.
- Ask for a 20-second hug to connected with a loved one and boost oxytocin, which helps you calm down quicker.
- Do a quick clean. Wipe down the counters, clear out your junk drawer, clean away your frustrations.
Setting Intentions for Your Family (Your Internal Motivation)
Often we need motivation to hold-fast to our positivity and managing our emotional tone.
In the class, Calm Parenting: Learn How to Stop Yelling, there’s an expanded version of this step but for now, the footnotes is about setting a foundation of what you want for your family now, in 5 years and in 20 years.
Your intentions and behavior creates a foundation for your family. The foundation is what you come back to when things feel heavy and hard and you need reminding of why you chose to be a calm Mom.
- What do I want my legacy to be?
- What qualities do I want to instill in my children today?
- How do I want my children to look back at their childhood and think of me?
- How will my relationship with my children look in 20 years?
- What environment do I want for my home?
Take a piece of paper out and write down the intentions you have for your family, and as a parent. Reread your intentions when you feel your patience slipping or the anger bubbling up. This will help you stay calm and choose not to yell at your children.
More Calm Parenting & Stop Yelling Resources
- Stop Yelling Handbook
- Calm Parenting: Learn How to Stop Yelling eCourse
- New Ideas to Help You Practice Calm Parenting & Stop Yelling When You Feel Mad
- How to Get Kids to Listen Without Yelling
- The Real Reasons Parents Yell: How to Stop Yelling At Your Kids
- 12 Ways to Calm an Angry Child & The Brain Science Behind Outbursts