• PARENTING
    • POSITIVE PARENTING
    • CHILD SAFETY
    • HEALTHY KIDS
    • ACTIVITIES & BIRTHDAY
    • SCHOOL
  • SLEEP & ROUTINES
  • BIG EMOTIONS
  • HOLIDAYS
    • GIFT GUIDES
    • CHRISTMAS
    • HALLOWEEN
  • MOM LIFE
    • AROUND THE HOUSE
    • NON-TOXIC LIVING
    • BABY & MOM FREEBIES
↑
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Parenting Tools

The Pragmatic Parent

Positive Parenting for Better Connection, Less Chaos & More Family Happiness

  • PARENTING
    • POSITIVE PARENTING
    • CHILD SAFETY
    • HEALTHY KIDS
    • ACTIVITIES & BIRTHDAY
    • SCHOOL
  • SLEEP & ROUTINES
  • BIG EMOTIONS
  • HOLIDAYS
    • GIFT GUIDES
    • CHRISTMAS
    • HALLOWEEN
  • MOM LIFE
    • AROUND THE HOUSE
    • NON-TOXIC LIVING
    • BABY & MOM FREEBIES

Stop Sibling Fighting Using a Positive Approach

  • Facebook2
  • Twitter
  • Pinterest2.2K
  • Email

Read the first part of this series, The 3 Causes of Sibling Rivalry before you read the second part. If you understand what causes sibling fighting, you’ll be better equipped to help your children work through their disagreements.


 

When my kids fight, it makes me feel pretty lousy about my parenting skills.

It feels like somewhere along the way, I took a right turn where I should have taken a left or two lefts and a right and ended up hundreds of miles away from the intended destination. Obviously, having kids that fight like cats and dogs was never the destination!

Why can’t they just get along I think as I reach into the candy drawer. Because the bottom line is, when my kids fight, it not only hurts them, but I think it hurts me more.

I feel like I’m failing when my kids can’t get along and then I start second guessing if I’m working hard enough to create a positive and loving home for them.

And  then  I had this lightbulb moment that would snap me out of my worrying and second guessing my parenting! It hit me that sibling fighting is completely, totally normal and that I can use my own actions – how I treat my kids and respond to their sibling spats – to positively impact all of us.

Yes, sibling fighting can be in response to the way the home is structured, or how some parents treat their children (unintentionally and maybe even intentionally) but ultimately, these situations that cause us to be angry or frustrated, are actually opportunities for teachable moments.

Teachable moments will ultimately help our kids develop into well-rounded people with solid communication and conflict resolution skills, and that’s not such a bad thing, right?

Sibling fighting is normal, but just like most behavior, sibling spats are a big, fat fascade to something else that is actually going on.

It’s up to parents to identify the root cause.

For example, is my son acting out towards his sister because he’s jealous of the attention she gets from me and trying to get me to pay more attention to him? If this is the root cause, I can create more opportunities for one-on-one time with my son to help him feel that my time is balanced between the two of them.

We have to figure out the psychology behind the actions, in order too help our kids create a resolution.

6 Proven Ways to Handle Sibling Fighting with a Positive Approach.

 

SEE IF THEY CAN WORK IT OUT ON THEIR OWN

I used to jump in with our kids at the slightest start of an argument. I would separate them or distract them from the problem they were having, but ultimately one kid was always leaving upset and unhappy with the resolution of my peace talks.

And then one day, too exhausted to jump in, I let them work out the problem on their own and I sat there and watched them.

Letting them work it out teaches kids how to communicate with each other and find solutions, all on their own. Read about How to Help Develop an Emotionally Intelligent Child and learn to recognize and communicate feelings.

There are some exceptions to this rule, and helping kids reach common ground may not always be attainable. When it hits that point in the day – we all know the point where our kids are hungry and tired and no amount of letting them work it out, is actually going to work – its Ok to step in and diffuse the situation and offer an alternative.

For example, if my kids are playing outside and fighting over a swing on the swing set or a riding toy, we switch gears, head on inside to play in the playroom or watch a 20-minute show to chill out.

Now, if your kid’s disagreement gets to the point of hitting or someone is being hurt or about to be hurt, parents need to intervene immediately. Finding common ground might be impossible during this time and requires times to calm down, time on their own and separated from each other and then time to think and talk through their emotions.

 

TEAMWORK FOR THE WIN

Pair your kids together for a little teamwork during the day to show them that working together can help them accomplish a task or goal.

For example, ask your kids to each hold the side of a heavy box and help bring it in the house, have them unload the groceries from the car or have one child sweep and the other hold the dustpan so that they work together.

I will ask all three of my kids to work together to clean up the playroom so that we can go on a bike ride or a walk once they’re done. When I offer the kids an incentive, they will help one another finish the task faster when they’re working towards something they all want.

Note that I don’t offer rewards or sweets as a form of bribery to get my children to do something. If we have something during the day that was already planned as part of our day that they’re excited to do, I will use that as an incentive to have them work together. Ideas include snack time, lunch, dinner, a walk, an outing, a visitor coming over, a bike ride, etc.

 

USE POSITIVE PRAISE

Look for opportunities to point out positive behavior between your children when they’re playing nice and working well together.

Are they sharing, being kind, complimenting one another or helping their sibling?

Point out these positive interactions with complimentary statements like, “You two make a good team,” “or “I really like how you’re playing nice together,” or “Thank you for sharing your toys with each other.”

Look for good behavior and offer strategic praise so your kids notice the ways they behavior solicits positive reactions. Read More about Why Having a Positive Home is So Important and will Affect Your Children Forever.

 

FIND THE TEACHABLE MOMENTS

Use the opportunity of sibling bickering as a teachable moment to talk about being empathetic, kind, aware of other’s feelings and needs.

Step in not to referee your children, but to help them develop healthy conflict resolution skills by learning how to recognize their own feelings, put a name to them and use words that explain them to help resolve conflicts. 

Listen to both of your children tell their “side of the story” away from one another and then tell the stories back to them when they’ve come together.

Help them talk about their feelings during the conflict and ask them to find a solution they both agree on.

Be non-judgmental when you listen to your children talk to you and don’t impose your thoughts into the discussion but use the moment as a teaching tool to help them explain themselves and find to common ground on their own.

 

GIVE THEM TIME TO PLAY INDEPENDENTLY

If your children are together most of the day, make sure you implement time for them to play independently so they get a break from other family members.

I use quiet time during the day while our littlest one is napping. The kids play independently of each other for 45-60 minutes before they come together again.

 

PRIORITIZE ONE-ON-ONE TIME WITH EACH CHILD

Children can act out in aggressive ways towards their parents and especially towards their siblings when they aren’t getting the individual attention they need.

Seeking opportunities to have one-on-one time with your children doesn’t have to involve babysitters or extra curricular activities, there are simple ways to get this quality time with each of your children every day.
Read here for 8 simple ideas to get one-on-one time with your kids each day.

 

The one-on-one time connecting with your kids, is absolutely necessary to strengthen the parent-child relationship, build their own confidence and helps to foster a more positive and peaceful home life, especially among siblings. Individual connection time helps strengthen their confidence in the family pyramid and swats away feelings of insecurity that can help create sibling tensions and ultimately, sibling fighting.

 

You Might Like… 

  • Signs of Drowning – What You Need to Know Right Now
  • Why You Say Yes to Your Child More Often – Learn the Magic Parenting Rule of 5:1 
  • How to Create a Positive Home (And Why this Will Affect Your Kids Forever)
  • Want to Raise Confident Kids? Do This! 
  • Teach Your Children How to Choose the *Right* Friends
  • Overwhelming Situations When Kids Need Their Parents to Intervene

Related

FREE PARENTING GUIDE: 8 COMMON PARENTING MISTAKES & HOW TO FIX THEM

There was an error submitting your subscription. Please try again.

Filed Under: BIG EMOTIONS

Comments

  1. Amritha menon says

    January 23, 2019 at 10:47 PM

    You feel ‘wow’ when you see your children cordially playing with each other. A minute later, you see them yelling and throwing things at each other. Gosh! Wondering what to do? Read on.
    https://www.parentcircle.com/article/what-to-do-when-your-kids-fight/

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

FREE PARENTING GUIDE: 8 COMMON PARENTING MISTAKES & FAST FIXES

There was an error submitting your subscription. Please try again.

Free Baby Products for Mom and Freebies for Baby. Stock up on awesome baby essentials and new baby products you'll need and use. These baby essentials come in a variety of patterns including baby wrap, baby sling, baby carrier, carseat canopy or carseat cover, hooded towels, nursing pillow, pregnancy pillow and more.

Positive Parenting

How to learn from your anger, fruration or want to stop yelling at your kids. What your anger is trying to tell you and how to learn from it to do better.

How to Learn From Your Anger…

Fun things to do with your leftover Halloween candy; from freezing and baking it into sweet treats, to turning it into crafts, games and science experiments. 

Healthier Candy Choices this…

Nobody wants to hear their child use negative self-talk language like, "I'm dumb," "I'm stupid," or "I'll never be any good at _____." As a parent, it breaks your heart but here are some tips to use when responding to your child's negative self-talk

How to Respond to Your…

see more >>

Big Emotions

Nobody wants to hear their child use negative self-talk language like, "I'm dumb," "I'm stupid," or "I'll never be any good at _____." As a parent, it breaks your heart but here are some tips to use when responding to your child's negative self-talk

How to Respond to Your…

Teaching feelings and helping kids express their emotions builds lifelong emotional intelligence. Get started teaching toddlers emotions and use the building blocks for older kids too!

Teaching Feelings & 6…

Unsure how to deal with back talk? Tips on how to appropriately respond instead of react and calm the most disrespectful behaviour  - and let natural consequences teach the lesson whenever possible. 

6 Steps to Handle Backtalk…

see more >>

Sleep & Routines

When do toddlers stop napping, the signs your toddler is ready to stop napping and what to do now when your toddler no longer takes a nap. 

When Do Toddlers Stop Napping…

What's the right bedtime for a 2 year old? How to figure out the perfect bedtime for your 2 year old & create a daily routine for better sleep and nap time.

What Time Should a 2 Year Old…

If you're having trouble getting your toddler to fall asleep & stay asleep, try this smart toddler bedtime routine they won't fight, but will actually love.

A Smart (and Easy) Bedtime…

see more >>

Raising children can feel overwhelming. Let me help!

CHECK OUT MY FREE EMAIL COURSES

Could you use a little extra help?

HERE YOU'LL FIND THE MOST POPULAR PARENTING RESOURCES

Stop Yelling Handbook & Parenting Guide

$10.00

Kid's Calm Down Ideas Picture Card Set

$6.00

Name Your Emotions Picture Card Set

$6.00

WHAT'S TRENDING...

With all everyone has to juggle, it can make life pretty darn serious. When motherhood becomes too serious and the playful Mom disappears, it’s time to take an honest account of all the things stealing your joy. It's time to be a more silly, fun and playful parent. Have fun with your kids & connect while being silly.

25 Fun Ways to be a More Playful Parent With Your Children

How parents can help kids learn to identify and manage big emotions. 5 Steps to teach children how to manage big emotions and deal with feelings.

Parents: 5 Steps to Teach Kids How to Manage Big Emotions (Free Printable)

Helpful hacks to make camping with kids a fun experience! Taking your kids camping can be both a challenge and a great time, but with these tips we'll ensure camping with kids is a stress-free adventure. Get all the details on how to prepare & tips once you're on site, plus camping ideas for families.

Genius Hacks to Make Camping with Kids Fun & Stress-Free

Makeover Your Mornings: A Simple Routine to be a Happy Mom. This simple Stay at Home Mom Routine will make the days flow better and you a happy Mom again.

Makeover Your Mornings: A Simple Routine to Get More Done In Less Time

RECEIVE THE WEEKLY PARENTING TIP

Join Over 35,000 Other Parents & Readers who Receive the Weekly Practical Parenting Tip & Occassional Freebie

There was an error submitting your subscription. Please try again.

  • HOME
  • ABOUT
  • CONTACT
  • SHOP
  • DISCLOSURE
  • TERMS OF USE
Copyright ©2019, The Pragmatic Parent. All Rights Reserved.
Design by Pixel Me Designs